18 posts tagged “personal”

So, I completed NaNoWriMo. This is great - not only do I have a third of a novel done, I've also proved to myself that my 2005 win wasn't a fluke.

All that writing left my brain a bit dead, though - I'm much more suited to binge writing rather than a thousand words a day. If I have an idea, I sit down and write. If I don't, then I don't force it. I think that when I move away from short stories and on to novels, I'll change writing habits. However, I don't think that will happen any time soon.

Right now I'm quite happy just writing short stories. There's a certain magic to them that a novel misses.

I've currently got 2 short stories being considered for anthologies - CGC at Permuted and TBW at GST. I'm not expecting to get accepted, but I haven't received rejections yet, and that's good enough for me.

This weekend I'm going to be taking it easy. I need to recharge before attacking the two essays and a creative translation next week. It's the end of the third semester - half way through my bachelor's already, what a horrible idea - and the deadlines are looming once again.

But, all that comes Monday. Right now, it's Ramsey Campbell, Phantom Hourglass and brainstorming for future short stories. Oh, and a new haircut and a shopping trip tomorrow. Relaxation is good.

Recently I've been waking up at about seven in the morning, even when I don't need to. Even when I wasn't able to fall asleep till 3 in the morning. Even when I go to sleep thinking, I CAN AND WILL HAVE A BLOODY LIE-IN.

My plan of mentally willing my internal alarm clock to STFU isn't working. Although, this morning, I did stay in bed for another two or three hours listening to audio versions of Sherlock Holmes stories, just because I could.

So, I'm tired. Tired Leah is struggling Leah, at least when it comes to writing. I'm now about a thousand words behind on my NaNoWriMo, and I also have two articles due for the Angler... tomorrow. Luckily I've got the basics of both articles down, it's just rewriting them and making them non-embarrassingly bad. Seeing as a large part of the Leiden English students will be reading these, and my name will be at the bottom. Not fun.

This is the first time that anything that I've written by myself is going to be out there for people I don't know to read and think, "Wow, this chick sucks at writing, yo." I hope they won't, obviously, but it's possible, and therefore somewhat nerve-wracking.

Right now what I really want to do is curl up and go to sleep, and not wake up till half-way through December. There's so much stuff that needs doing in the next few weeks, and I feel extremely unmotivated due to this constant tiredness. Still, four weeks and then the semester's over. Then I can just chill out and revise for two weeks, and enjoy my dad's cooking for prolonged periods of time. Oh yes.

Today, Leah is a happy bunny.

Firstly, because over the past three months I've lost a lot of weight. I bought a pair of jeans 3 months ago that fit me perfectly. Today I can pull them down without unbuttonning or unzipping them. This is awesome.

Secondly because Scott Sigler actually replied to my blog post about him. I know he's big on audience interaction, but this is an author whose work I really enjoy, actually leaving a comment on my blog. I'm officially star-struck.

Lastly, because I can finally log in to Vox from my parents' computer again! All in all, this is pretty awesome, people.

NaNo is starting to go my way again. As of yesterday, I was only 200 words behind. I've yet to start on today's writing, and I was stupid enough to not mail my progress to myself. Now I'm away from my own computer and I can't remember where I left off yesterday. I don't have time to wait for Marijn to get home and mail me what I mailed him yesterday, so I'll just make it up. I'm going to have to edit the crap out of this beast anyway.

Also, I have to read Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison for Tuesday. Holy crap that's a big book. My entire weekend is going to be consumed by NaNo, Old English, Ralph Ellison, Crescent, and hopefully some blissfully useless hours on my DS.

It's day five of NaNoWriMo and so far, things are looking good. 7122 words in the first four days has me ahead of schedule.

On average I've been over the 1667 word mark every day so far (although I do still need to get today's words done), even if the writing is absolutely dreadful. Bad enough to make me apologise to my beta-reader, Mlijn.

He's usually a linguist, but people who've kept up with this blog know that he's also my somewhat lax proofreader. Although he usually takes a while to get round to reading my short stories, he always keeps right up to date with my NaNo efforts, telling me what he likes and doesn't like. His feedback really encourages me to keep going. That, combined with how bad I felt about not making it last year, means I'll probably finish NaNo this year, if everything goes to plan.

Also, I fit into my old pants again. YAY.

If you happen to follow this blog to some extent, you may have noticed the lack of writing-related updates. I haven't really been writing anything of note recently - I'm busy gearing up for NaNoWriMo - nor have I been submitting anything.

I haven't felt comfortable with submitting anything, mostly because I haven't been writing anything new. I've been busy, and all of my creativity has been going in to creating the world for my November novel. Hopefully, once November has come and gone, I'll be able to produce something I'll feel comfortable sending out.

In the meantime, it's going to be lots of reading for me. Reading all the wonderful books I have recently only reminds me of how far I've yet to go.

I don't live up to the standard image people have of a horror writer. I might have a tendency to wear black, but it isn't a conscious choice. Nor do I particularly like metal music. There's some that I'll gladly listen to, but I generally prefer other bands, like MSI, Electric Six, Maxïmo Park, The Hives, etc.

I also have a special place in my heart for Scissor Sisters. I've seen them live twice, and they give such an amazing show. Also, Jake likes to dance with towels wrapped around his head and Ana is queen of the double entendres.

This Dutch commercial featuring I Don't Feel Like Dancing makes me giggle almost every time I see it.

I don't know why, but the name Nigel has a certain appeal. It's so deadpan, so quintessentially English, so incredibly boring. I've never met a real life Nigel. It seems like the name is dying out in my circles.

Really, Neil is like Nigel, but even more so. However, whenever I think of Neil I think of orange peel (if you haven't ever seen The Young Ones, shame on you) and now I also think of Neil Gaiman. So Nigel it was.

Starting about five years ago (I can't believe it's five already) I got into the habit of naming inanimate objects that appear devoid of character, and I'd always name them Nigel. It started with my first guitar.

"What are you going to call it?" Apparently you need to name guitars. Generally they're given feminine names, or really butch, aggressive, I'm-compensating-for-my-tiny-penis names. I decided to do something completely different, and the name "Nigel" was the first one that entered my mind.

I now have a considerable collection of Nigels. I have three guitars, two amps, a dead bonsai tree, a hoover, a television, a computer, and probably some other things as well.

I've been doing this so long now that the people who know me best and see me at my silliest (my parents and Marijn) automatically assume that I'm going to call something Nigel, and so I do. Knowing me, I'll probably keep this up for the rest of my life.

This tangent was brought to you by Leah, paranoid about having creepy crawlies under her bed. She got so worried that there was something nasty living under there that she completely cleaned everything out under there, using her new trusty hoover, Nigel.

Ever since that stuff with my teeth a few weeks back I've been prone to stressing out, especially when it comes to my health.

Today one of my big toes is red, slightly swollen and painful. I have no idea what it is - maybe I poked it too much yesterday, trying to get rid of some dead skin? Maybe it's a spider bite? Whatever it is, my mind is automatically going to the possibility that my toe is going to die and fall off.

If it's not better after the weekend I'm going to head back to RSD and see my GP. He'll probably tell me I've contracted gangreene and that my whole leg is going to fall off unless I go to the hospital immediately. It'll then probably turn out to just be stubbed or something, but at least then I'll be able to freak out about being gimpy while I wait for my hospital appoitnment.

I think it's a cliché that British people are overly polite. Well, it used to be. Nowadays people seem to think that people like me (young British women) all squeeze out a kid every nine months and go happy slapping when we're not in labour.

But, I really am compulsively polite. It's almost a handicap to me, because people can find me overly formal. Luckily I'm easing out of it around my peers - I'm also given to coarse language, which cancels out the overt politeness - but I still can't talk easily with an 'adult'. In Dutch, anyway.

And yes, I realise that I am now too an adult. It's a thought that I still find disturbing.

If I speak to an adult in English, I'm generally quite relaxed. English doesn't make any distinction between 'you' intended for an authority figure and 'you' for a peer. Dutch does: 'U' is used when you wish to express respect (yes, really) and 'je / jij' is what's used when you're talking to someone casually.

I still use 'U', even when I don't need to. I kept saying 'U' to Marijn's parents even after we'd been dating two years and they saw me twice a week.

Today I'll most likely run into my art teacher from high school. I still call him 'sir' when I see him, even though he addresses me as an equal.

If I do end up doing an internship in my old high school, I'm going to be in for a lot of awkwardness.

So, recently I have been doing exactly jack shit when it comes to fiction. Well, I've been thinking about plots and wondering about things; I've been reading a lot. But the thing is, I haven't been actively creative in the typey-typey-new-words kind of way.

One reason for this is the huge amounts of stress I've been under recently. I can't be actively creative when I feel down or stressed - I need passive entertainment.

Another reason is that I've just been very busy - uni is starting and guess what, I have to have two novels read for Tuesday and my very first Old English translation done by Monday. I'm also currently active in the English department's periodical.

Yet another reason is that, for the first time in years, I have a very close friendship with one person, without there being any romantic connotations. We see each other quite a lot, which is wonderful. However, it still leaves me with less 'I'm bored so I'm going to write a story'-time. Once again, I have to say I really don't mind. It's great having such a close friend once again.

But, I think the biggest reason I can't write is because I'm due to hear back on a fiction submission any day now. I can't deal with uncertainty, it drives me up the wall. It's the uncertainty about various things that has had me so stressed out recently. I'm a bit of a control freak, in that way - I need to know what's going to happen. If things could go either way, I tend to start worrying about the matter. It plays on my mind and renders me incapable of doing anything useful.

I'll sit down with a vague idea in my head and after about five minutes, I'll think, damn I'm due to hear about that story soon. Then, just to be sure, I'll check that it actually is September, and that it is 2007. (I'm ridiculously forgetful when it comes to dates. At some point this year I somehow managed to get it into my head that it was in fact 2006.)

I start wondering and hoping and despairing, and I eventually end up going 'oh bugger it' and I'll go read a book. Not that bad, considering the amount of stuff I have to read for my two Lit classes. Remind me never to chose another Lit class as my minor EVER AGAIN. I've got to have Caleb Williams and My Ántonia read by Tuesday. I'm determined to read EVERYTHING for my Lit classes this year - no more slacking off like the last two semesters - but my resolution is being put to the test already. I hope the pace in My Ántonia is a bit higher than in Caleb Williams because it's getting pretty damn tedious.